Why Does the U.S., a Civilized Country, Have to Pass a Law to Protect Women from Violence?

And Why does it Spend Most of its Time and Money “Supporting” Victims Instead of Preventing Victims?

Finally, the Violence Against Women Act was reauthorized last March, but not without some angst in the conservative ranks. It expired just before the pandemic began because Republicans refused to reauthorize it in favor of backing the NRA. The NRA didn’t like the provision that now includes closing the “boyfriend” loophole. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) is designed to improve and expand services to victims mostly. Some money is for training police and campus leaders, but the bulk of the effort is to try to take care of people – women and marginalized people – who have already been assaulted. People who have already been harmed.

Why on earth are do we need to pass laws to mitigate the fact that men find it easy and defensible to hurt women?  The question, I am asking is, why do we NEED laws to try to dissuade men from harming and killing the women in their lives? [But doesn’t.] What is wrong with us? Domestic violence and abuse are already against the law as is all violence. We see how well making laws purported to keep people safe from abusers are successful. They work after the acts are committed; they don’t appear to dissuade a masculine male’s learned behavior to stop using force before it happens. Yes, men and boys are also victims, and women are also perpetrators, but at nowhere near the rate that women are victims and men are perpetrators.  All human beings should be safe from the sexual assault by another person.

Home is the most dangerous place for a woman. Bruised, bloodied, humiliated, and banged up women stay hidden until they heal, which 9 out of 10 never completely do. Yes, we still believe, in the recesses of our minds, that a man’s home is his castle.  He is a king who makes the rules, makes the money (or used to), disciplines women and children as he sees fit, comes and goes as he desires, and enjoys the fruits of women’s labor – as it should be. This belief, supported enthusiastically by male religious figures on the basis of their interpretation of the man-made word of God, has been normal throughout history. It still is believed or osmosed by most American families and the more conservative and religious, the stronger the belief and practice.

We haven’t become very civilized, have we? A lot of people are aware that it isn’t nice or loving or respectful to go around hitting, stabbing, raping, kicking or beating up, intimidating, humiliating, and withdrawing alcohol or drugs, her children, access to transportation, ability to communicate with the outside world, money, shelter, food, safety… yet, this shit happens every day to more than 9000 women.  The numbers vary according to who collects them, but they are staggering. A woman is beaten every 9 seconds of the day with girls and women 16-24 years old the more likely victims.  For 30% of women who are harmed, their first experience is while they are pregnant. And more than 3 are killed by their partners or exes every day in the US. That’s about 1300 deaths of women at the hands of the mostly men who say they love them, and 2 million who suffer injuries in a year. Women are most at risk when trying to leave an abuser. And all we do is tell them to be ready to leave and prepare “safety plans.” Then funded programs are there to listen and support if one can access them, sometimes with the space to offer temporary shelter. 

But our laws are horrific.  We have done an incredibly failing job trying to help people in dangerous domestic situations. Law enforcement does not enforce laws, but swoops in after the crime. Only about a third of domestic abuse is reported to police.  In many states, police will arrest someone once they are called. They may arrest both people involved. And there may be mandatory arrest policies.  Medical personnel must report violence when victims get help in many states. That is a terrible way to keep women safe from their partners.

Then, once law enforcement does get involved, 1 in 3 perpetrators who are arrested do not face charges, and less than half of those charged are convicted. More than a third of them never go to jail. Less than 2% of people committing sexual assault or rape face consequences.  Jail is not an ideal place for an abuser, and there are many reasons for not wanting the man of the house, the father, the husband, to go to jail. But you can see why reporting an assault sets a victim up.   Law enforcement and the criminal justice system arrive with their punishments after the damage has been done. Then in effort to dispense justice, women are harassed all over again. Her word and bruises are just not enough to bring down the hammer on the offending man, because of “lack of useful evidence.” Behind dare I say every plan for justice, the man’s word is more likely believed, or the victim cannot provide good enough evidence. The woman has, no doubt, provoked the man and shares the blame, even if she cannot make him stop because he is just more able to hurt her than she is him, a belief that a lot of people have.  She shouldn’t have said, not said, done, not done, worn, not worn, smiled, not smiled, or she wouldn’t be in this predicament.

So, given the cold hard numbers, bruising, bloodying, and killing women must not seem like anything extra-ordinary. If she won’t shut up, smack her.  If your dinner is not hot or on time or served the way you want it today, then throw it at her.  If you believe the reason she is trying to lose weight is because she has a lover, cut off her access to money. Take away her car keys. If you’ve just had a bad day at the office, and they ran out of your favorite Scotch at the bar, and you can’t face the rest of your life, head on home and kick the shit out of your wife, or force her into sex, or take your misplaced “desire” out on a child.  After all, everyone else is the reason you are in this situation.

Are we, and primarily men in this case, not people of reason?  No, we are not.  Men are people of emotion, easily tipped on over on their vulnerable and adrenaline-fueled sides where a first impulse is not only unstoppable, but going to hurt. We have not taught our boys to have little self-control and they have few reasons to try to develop it. They are constantly encouraged and entertained to use anger, fists, weapons, threats, and pure menace to make their vision of the world somehow materialize. [Not all men.]

Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.

And yeah, we seem to need government protection (except that police have a terrible record of protecting women, personally and professionally) to try to keep women safe from men. Why can’t we do better to make men conscious and less entitled? Oh, where to begin… because we just can’t let this go.